Rosie Glow Wellness

Mind body health for the deeply fabulous

2:100 The Unicorn Manifesto


Dahlings, I don’t mean to brag, but I’m, like, the weirdest. Always have been. Always will be… just FYI. And following periods in which my future and I are metaphysically shat upon by The Universe over and over again — the downswing, if you will — I tend to spend a lot of time reading about magical people, manifesting our dreamiest dreams, higher purposes, etc., because I believe in all of the aforementioned hippie crap. And you should, too. Below, LYFE, as defined by yours truly.

1. You can will things to happen. When you take the time to figure out who you are and what you want, and then you ask for what you want, you usually receive it. Consider it a reward for doing the work that comes with self awareness… except:

2. A lot of times it turns out you didn’t want what you thought you did … because you don’t actually know anything. As far as I can tell, The Universe doesn’t want to make things easy for you. The Universe wants to expose truths — gradually, and as you grow ready for them. Maybe the closest approximation to a cosmic end goal is a wholly philosophical populace armed with the necessary experience to do and make some game changing stuff. Maybe. But I don’t know anything either.

3. Pay attention and The Universe will whisper your purpose to you. When you drain your brain of mental effluvia (i.e. How do I continue to fund my groovy lifestyle? Am I allergic to mangoes? Should an adult woman own more than one bra? Who is Juan Pablo? Etc.), you make room for the aforementioned truth. You could meditate, if that’s your jam… but that’s just extra. To properly assess what you’re supposed to be doing, you have to engage. So I write. And I run and I paint Juggalo cats. And then I process all of my doings – maybe through meditation… but more likely through more writing or in between episodes of The Mindy Project while I simultaneously eat cookies off of my stomach #glamour. There’s no right way to live presently and mindfully, but when you find what works for you, things start to make sense. That said, …

4… We don’t have any control. Even if you’re the sparkliest, unicorn-y-est person, you’re still just a person, and The Universe could squash you at any moment. Sorry guys. BUT there’s always a point to the squashing: a major lesson to be learned so that you can best navigate your path, once you’ve scooped up and reassembled all of your recently flattened unicorn guts. The trick is to keep paying attention, keep doing your thing (Juggalo. Cats.). And once you have an understanding of what your purpose is, you can always come back to it… as long as you don’t get distracted.

5. BECAUSE JEALOUSY GIVES YOU METAPHYSICAL PIMPLES. Comparing yourself to others serves only to clog your truth-receiving pores. We’re all in this together, and your path is just as valid and necessary as everyone else’s. So some people were born with trust funds and Kardashian/West genes and diamond encrusted everything: those people have sh*t to deal with that you’ve never even considered. Stop worrying about them

6. … Judgement gives you pimples, too. I get a lot of side eyes. Maybe you wouldn’t wear thigh highs to an apple orchard #projecting. That’s cool. But when you judge me for my choices, fashion or otherwise, you’ve lost your path. You’re off-roading, basically, but it’s not fun if YOU’RE not fun, you know? Joy comes from within, and wiggly, amorphous blobs like myself can hold, like, way more joy than squares can.

Biddies, tell me your manifestos! How do you find meaning in this lovely mess? This is either the start of a wholly enlightening conversation or a super scary cult, and I would just like to say that I am unwilling to shave my head at this juncture.


Author: twitchysister

Hey you! is largely devoted to musings on what balance means to an urbane, artsy-fartsy twenty-something. It’s tough out here for us post-grad women: if you’re not homeless, you’re doing something right. But do you, too, worry that you spend too much time furrowing your brows over your future when you should be unwrapping and relishing your present? Do you, like me, sometimes feel like everyone expects you to be the type of person who spends the majority of her entry-level “arts” paycheck on fifteen dollar old-timey cocktails, four a.m. cab rides home and everything sequined on the Urban Outfitters sale rack when, perhaps, you are really the type of person who would rather drink cucumber mint kale juice while wearing yoga pants and Googling reiki techniques? Is it possible that such a person is one and the same, and she is fabulous in her own, very confused right? Sister girl, I hear you. I know you. I accept you. I also know in my happy gut, full heart and coffee-addled brain that you and I are gorgeous glow worms, just as we are! We are sparkle ponies of light and love and we are still in the process of teasing out our true, authentic selves with all of this… living. So if you don’t have it figured out, if you acknowledge that you never will and that is tremendously exciting, if you want to connect with other smart chicks and tap into that charming inner-self of yours, then come back real soon, ya hear? We’re family now!

2 thoughts on “2:100 The Unicorn Manifesto

  1. I do what people in AA do, take it one day at a time. But also, I live inside of my google calendar. Because all those one-day-at-a-times are also DAYS IN THE FUTURE. This was a huge discovery for me. Also, errbody needs to start setting attainable goals, with realistic deadlines. I think working in a very low-paying job taught me that I cannot have ALL OF THE THINGS (materialistic), but that I can splurge on snacks I like, or a good bar of soap (hail to the soap gods). I have learned to take pleasure in the little things, because a pile of wonderful little things is better than a pile of expensive big things that aren’t meaningful.

    ALSO. Speak your mind. Last night the CEO of my company (who is never present) was present of a(n) happy hour we had after work. He “summoned” me, so to speak, because one of his colleagues was gushing about me (I am amazing). But then, he asked me what I thought of the company, and without even thinking, I told him truthfully that in short, I am disappointed with a handful of things and I don’t think I am being utilized in a way that speaks to my skills. Knowing I am working on bigger better things is seriously the truth elixir of life, and I cannot be tamed.

    So, that might not have been a manifesto, but last night I left happy hour the right about of rose-dranking tipsy to buy benadryll for Andrew and Burt’s Bees lotion for my body. I also baked an insane amount of caramel brownies while listening to blink 182 and NOFX harmonizing with my pop punk bros like it was my job. Because that IS my job. To do what makes me happy when I’m not sitting in an ergonomic chair googling things for my office. Pursuing the things that make me, ME.

    WOOHOO, go us. Brunch will be here in no-time. XO

  2. I love it and you so much! Yayay! Way to go on being way honest with your CEO. Proud a you. Also, brownie me.

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