Rosie Glow Wellness

Mind body health for the deeply fabulous

On Burning Bridges

9 Comments

"Burning Bridges" by Lily Padula

“Burning Bridges” by Lily Padula

Hey there, Internet. Of late, I’m full of silent rage. Like a ninja. I know it’s snuggle season and the sky is sh*tting ice fluff and everyone’s excited, but I want to talk about ANGST. So.

Every wise man worth his beard will tell you not to burn your bridges. It’s tough stuff, forging connections — it takes a lot of toothpicks to build a deck that will span the divide between yourself and another person; not to mention you have to keep that catwalk anchored on common ground, and engineer it so that it’ll give (and give and give) in wind and rain and general chaos, but it won’t break. Don’t I sound like I know what I’m talking about? Metaphorically?

I have some homework this week (LYFE homework, homie), and it is this: write a letter to a person I no longer want a relationship with, explaining why I don’t want a relationship. It’s a letter that’s been living inside of me for a long, long time, and teasing it out will dredge up all sorts of uncomfortable memories. Once it’s on the page, though, I don’t have to carry it with me anymore. I don’t know if I’ll send it… but that’s the thing with burning bridges: you only need to burn down one end. If I take a flaming wrecking ball to that sh*t, the person on the other side of the split can’t reach me. And if they can’t reach me, they can’t hurt me. What they can do, however, is suck it.

Some connections just aren’t worth keeping. You all know me well enough to know that I’m pro: love and sparkle dust. I don’t want to expend energy hating on anybody… but if a relationship isn’t serving you, you ought to burn that mofo down. You don’t have to win a public wrestling match or engage in a twitter war or storm out of your office in spiky Louboutins, shrieking “NEVER AGAIN!” as you thrust your whole self against the revolving door. Just decide to yourself: this is over. Explain to yourself: this is why it’s over. Write it down if you have to. Then get to work on a new connection… because you’re too valuable to align yourself with someone you don’t admire. Respect yourself enough to start fresh.

That’s all. You can enjoy the snow now.

XOXO,
Rose

Author: twitchysister

Hey you! Rosieglowwellness.com is largely devoted to musings on what balance means to an urbane, artsy-fartsy twenty-something. It’s tough out here for us post-grad women: if you’re not homeless, you’re doing something right. But do you, too, worry that you spend too much time furrowing your brows over your future when you should be unwrapping and relishing your present? Do you, like me, sometimes feel like everyone expects you to be the type of person who spends the majority of her entry-level “arts” paycheck on fifteen dollar old-timey cocktails, four a.m. cab rides home and everything sequined on the Urban Outfitters sale rack when, perhaps, you are really the type of person who would rather drink cucumber mint kale juice while wearing yoga pants and Googling reiki techniques? Is it possible that such a person is one and the same, and she is fabulous in her own, very confused right? Sister girl, I hear you. I know you. I accept you. I also know in my happy gut, full heart and coffee-addled brain that you and I are gorgeous glow worms, just as we are! We are sparkle ponies of light and love and we are still in the process of teasing out our true, authentic selves with all of this… living. So if you don’t have it figured out, if you acknowledge that you never will and that is tremendously exciting, if you want to connect with other smart chicks and tap into that charming inner-self of yours, then come back real soon, ya hear? We’re family now!

9 thoughts on “On Burning Bridges

  1. I actually had a conversation this past weekend with my stepbrother Jeff, who is an energy healer, about only pursuing connections with people you share resonance with, and refusing to waste time on people you don’t. I know sometimes it’s important to schmooze and make an effort to connect, but I really do think that life is too short to spend it forging bonds with people who aren’t putting in the same effort to bond with you. You go, Rose!

  2. I’m gonna enjoy California but anyway…….

    I agree. I’m all about forgiveness and grace because lez be honest, I need that everyday from the people who love me. But sometimes the best way to love yourself and even love that other person is to let go. And I mean really let go. Without bitterness. Because then it is just a two hundred pound gorilla YOU are carrying in your back, not them. And it’s like, well how did this happen?

    Anyway, bisous bisous

    • 100% agreement, as usual. An aside, have you heard the Bruno Mars song “Gorilla”? It is LITERALLY the worst thing I have ever heard. Idk gorilla references.

      Bisous bisous!

      • No I haven’t heard it because the only time I listen to the radio is when I am on a business trip in a rental car (wow, I can’t deal with that sentence and what that says about me.) Can we PLEASE just form a writing commune? AND ALSO, ON THAT NOTE, you know how in Breakfast in Tiffany’s he can’t be in a relationship because his paramour pays for his life so he can be an artist? UM, CAN SOMEONE SPONSOR OUR LIVES SO WE CAN JUST BE CREATIVE? (Minus the sex for money part. Obvi)

      • Yes to writing commune. Yes to benefactor/benefactress (I’ll take what I can get.) Spit promise.

  3. Hmm, I tried to post earlier and it didn’t work! Anyway, one of my (newly-minted) stepbrothers is an energy healer / massage therapist / yoga enthusiast, and we had a conversation this past weekend about only pursuing connections with people with whom you share true resonance, and dropping / choosing not to expend energy on those with whom you don’t. I think it’s hugely important–life is just too short. I keep thinking about the horrible Cobb salad lunch scene in Julie and Julia, and the subsequent scene where Amy Adams asks, “What does it mean if you don’t like your friends?”

    • OH that scene is SO HORRIBLE. I’m so on the same wavelength as your hippie dippy (I say this with love and solidarity) new family member. Gotta shut bad/superficial/unhealthy connections down.

      • Absolutely! I’m with him too–although he also applies it to family connections (he objects to maintaining family connections for family’s sake, if you don’t resonate directly with the people), which I don’t think quite works because there’s so much other baggage. He’s a lot of fun–he’s asked me to show him how I open up my voice and vocalize, because he’s learning about sound healing. I’m fascinated.

  4. Sounds like a total kook. I should probs date him.

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