Rosie Glow Wellness

Mind body health for the deeply fabulous

Self Promotion, Insecurity and… Supermodels?

14 Comments

Morning mega-babes! I’m following my own advice and caffeinating/creating before the Sun comes out. As a result of this ritual, plus hardcore dreaming, I’m feelin’ all “bring it on, universe!” I’m indulging my curiosity, connecting with like-minded bids, and trying to promote promote promote myself in a way that isn’t “slimy, sleazy or scammy.”

That last part is sort of terrifying, though. Listen, I know I’m almost unreasonably friendly; I really do walk around my city smiling at strangers; I’m always getting family discounts at Whole Foods or free undies at the GAP because I make it my mission to be bff with every cashier in Chicago; I’m an excessive hugger…ask anyone. But it’s always scary to put yourself out there, especially when your self is still in the works. I’ve watched enough Marie Forleo videos to know that when you believe in your work, there’s nothing sketch about forcing it down the world’s collective gullet (ok, I promise I don’t think of you all as one big gaping maw, but Idk… “gullet” spoke to me today.) I’m on a mission to constantly express myself and encourage other people to express themselves, too but that doesn’t mean that I don’t suffer from social anxiety or the occasional bout of debilitating insecurity. I do. Everyone does. As women, especially, we’ve been brought up to be humble and unobtrusive, and stepping out of that comfort arena invites all sorts of criticism and judgment… often by other women.

I recently watched/heard Cameron Russell’s rad Ted talk about image; the thin, white woman’s reign on the modeling industry and why young girls should pursue “ninja cardio-thoracic surgeon poet(ry)” instead of modeling. Russell concluded her smart, provocative presentation with an idea that we women already know deep down, but manage to forget in the daily process of comparing ourselves to other ladies: models are insecure. They, with the the “shiniest hair, the skinniest thighs and the coolest clothes” have to think about their bodies all day, err day. Doesn’t that sound dreadful? Can you imagine if eating too many nutella brownies was grounds for termination of employment?!

I think it’s healthy to remind ourselves, every so often, that no one loves all of their bits 24/7… I’m not just talking’ body insecurities; but relationship bits, career bits, brain bits (ick!) Life bits, yo. So just for you, here’s a short list of my insecurities. Because sharing is everything.

  • Sometimes I worry that everyone I know thinks I’m flaky, flighty and unreliable because of all that hiding/dreaming I do.
  • My apartment is usually a royal mess and, before anyone comes over, I bop around like a bunny on speed to fold laundry and shove girly accoutrements under my bed so no one can see my state of squalor. But I assure you: I’m the grungiest.
  • I like reading Self and Women’s Health even though I disagree with half of what their writers have to say. Contrarily, I haven’t read any Proust or Milton or Joyce in ages and I’m afraid that my brain is evicting knowledge of great literature to make room for facts about how to tighten our buns and where to buy the most supportive sports bras.
  • I don’t always love my skin. I wish I had a six pack, but I’d settle for a four pack. I used to be on the model train (not the same one Cameron Russell was on: mine was pretty slow-moving) but I’m not anymore and probably couldn’t be if I wanted to. I wish I could just wake up tomorrow and have long-ass hippie hair.
  • Career-wise, I’m nowhere near content. I’ve learned to trust that I’ll get there, but hear you me, it was a PROCESS.
  • Every now and then, it concerns me that my inclination towards singledom will leave me a lonely, wrinkly hag and all of my ex-boyfriends will one day band together to clink their whiskey tumblers and reminisce about the nutter they used to date. OMG what if they make t-shirts?! #hyperbolicmandrama

There’s more, too… and they’re dynamic like waves or clouds or my hair color. Yes, in general – I dig myself. Yes, I think I’d like to be my friend if I could perform self-binary fission and split in two like a girl amoeba. But I’m not confident all the time. And you don’t have to be either. We do have to know that everyone experiences self doubt… and we have to market the hell out of our work anyway. If you believe in your message; somebody, somewhere will, too.

What are your insecurities? Do they look as silly written out as mine do? Are you ready for world domination anyway?

I think you are. XOXO,
Rose

Author: twitchysister

Hey you! Rosieglowwellness.com is largely devoted to musings on what balance means to an urbane, artsy-fartsy twenty-something. It’s tough out here for us post-grad women: if you’re not homeless, you’re doing something right. But do you, too, worry that you spend too much time furrowing your brows over your future when you should be unwrapping and relishing your present? Do you, like me, sometimes feel like everyone expects you to be the type of person who spends the majority of her entry-level “arts” paycheck on fifteen dollar old-timey cocktails, four a.m. cab rides home and everything sequined on the Urban Outfitters sale rack when, perhaps, you are really the type of person who would rather drink cucumber mint kale juice while wearing yoga pants and Googling reiki techniques? Is it possible that such a person is one and the same, and she is fabulous in her own, very confused right? Sister girl, I hear you. I know you. I accept you. I also know in my happy gut, full heart and coffee-addled brain that you and I are gorgeous glow worms, just as we are! We are sparkle ponies of light and love and we are still in the process of teasing out our true, authentic selves with all of this… living. So if you don’t have it figured out, if you acknowledge that you never will and that is tremendously exciting, if you want to connect with other smart chicks and tap into that charming inner-self of yours, then come back real soon, ya hear? We’re family now!

14 thoughts on “Self Promotion, Insecurity and… Supermodels?

  1. First of all, I think you are going to be the coolest old lady ever.

    I think my biggest insecurity is that I worry about letting my freak flag fly in public, because I feel like everybody is cooler than I am. Nobody wants to hear me hold forth about Gilbert and Sullivan or musicals or Ford Madox Ford (whom I don’t even like that much, but I will tell anybody who will listen about Parade’s End, because hooooly cow). As a result, I feel like I can’t be myself around people who aren’t interested in what I’m interested in because it will freak them out…so most of the time I hang out alone.

    But then I went to the Buxton Gilbert and Sullivan Festival last summer and realized that there are people I relate to, and people I like and want to be around all the time. For me this is the thing that I’ve had to get comfortable with–that right now I’m kind of lonely and solitary, but it’s okay, because I will eventually find my people and get to spend time with them.

  2. First of all, I think you are going to be the coolest old lady ever. :)

    The thing that I’ve had to make peace with in recent years is owning my total dorkiness. It’s taken me ages to realize that there are people who think I’m fantastic and vice-versa, and that the people who aren’t interested in me exactly as I am aren’t worth my time. And it means a lot of solitude, hanging out on my own, doing the things that I need to do for me, and being okay with that because there are people in the world with whom I can be totally myself, and sometimes I get to spend time with them. (Like last summer when I went to the Buxton Gilbert and Sullivan Festival and thought I had died and gone to heaven…I’m counting down the days till the next one!)

  3. Love love love. My insecurities: BOOBS. I’ve always been incredibly insecure about their colossal size, especially because I’m only 5 feet and generally tiny. But the grass is always greener, right? Also, I sometimes feign shyness to justify my reticence in certain social situations. I believe shyness can be a very real thing for some people; in excessive quantities, however, it can be immobilizing! Gotta make a shout out to Dr. Wayne Dier: YOUR ERRONEOUS ZONES has given me confidence to say, “I am who I am, and those who don’t like it…!” I adore your writing, Rose!

  4. Hi Rose,

    I don’t expect you to remember me, but I definitely remember you. I remember connecting with you at DG during recruitment, and I believe you were the reason that I was always excited to come back to the sorority. There was something so unique and interesting about you…And I’m happy that I’ve found your blog, because your posts possess the same qualities.

    Speaking of insecurities, I’ve been following your blog since you started writing, but I’ve been too insecure about myself, about our lack of relationship, to comment until now. Of all people to read your blog, why would it be me, someone you spoke to for ten minutes total your whole entire life? Someone who has had no real connection to you except within the confines of a Greek system that pushes girls’ insecurities to their highest peaks?

    Reading this post inspired me to finally get over this insecurity. You speak some feminine and human truths that deserve attention, that deserve real conversation. Every single girl can connect to these posts because they’re as quirky, insecure, beautiful, fun, and exciting as we all are inside.

    Keep writing, and I’ll surely keep reading.

    Jessica B

    • OF COURSE I remember you, Jessica! TRUTH: I wanted you to be in DG so badly. SECOND TRUTH: that sort of cutthroat “sisterhood” is not the sort of atmosphere that I want to advocate on this blog and sometimes I’m embarrassed that I ever took part in it. I’m so incredibly appreciative of your kind words and I’m so, so glad you’re reading. Thank you for your compliments and I’m thrilled that I’m preaching something you relate to – let’s be sisters now, for real, ok? When it counts?

      XOXO (and email me ANYTIME and tell me what you’re up to!)
      Rose

  5. Edited to add: I LOVED those girls and being in that house, I just disagree with the process it took to get in. <3

  6. Pingback: You’ll like me, you’ll really like me? | Rosie Glow Wellness

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