Listen up Love child: Valentine’s Day is fast approaching. I know it’s easy to hate on this holiday – you’d think my status asa recently single lady who is spending Valentine’s Day with her mom (a total mega babe, by the way – she could really do better) would be enough to make me don my gothy finest – black lipstick, cape, coffin backpack… obvs – and Scrooge. it. up. like only a modern misanthrope knows how. But there, mon cheri, you’d be wrong BECAUSE I LOVE THIS SH*T. All displays of cuteness, kitsch, sentiment and amorous bravery are aces in Rosie Glow’s book: graphic heart motifs; winged, weapon-toting baby harbingers of romance, love notes (from my Grandma), boys with pink carnations eating one’s body weight in sweets. And I’m not talking conversation hearts with that last one: those are totally inedible and should be reserved for gluing on pizzazz-lacking lampshades (D.I.Y.! I’ve been saving all of the “Tweet Me”s for just this purpose.) I’m talking extravagant, real food desserts that are one of two things: pink or chocolate.

Today: pink.

I know what you’re thinking… veggies in cake? Buy me Godiva, girlfran, and get those beets away from me! Look – you all know how I feel about beets, and what’s the difference between a beet cake and, say, a pumpkin pie? Or a carrot cake? Adorableness, that’s what. And as a bonus, this cake is raw, vegan and gluten free. How ’bout them beets?

(Heart) Beet Layer Cake
Dedicated to Childish Gambino

Cake Base:
2 medium sized raw beets (about 2 c)
1.5 c fresh dates (or soaked dried dates)
2 c pecans
1 c walnuts
Juice of 1-2 lemons
Pinch ginger
1 t cinnamon
1/2 t sea salt

Frosting (adapted from this raw cheesecake recipe):

3 1/2 c raw cashews, soaked overnight
1 c fresh lemon juice
1 c  coconut oil
1/2 c water
2 t vanilla
1/2 t sea salt
3/4 c agave

1. Gather ingredients/mentally prepare to mess up your entire kitchen/peel and chop dem phat beets.

2. Process cake base. I like my base to have a little texture to it, as long as there aren’t obvious hunks of beet (even I’m not that crunchy.) Wash food processor thoroughly or your frosting will be pink. Process frosting until super smooth.

                                                                3. Assemble first two layers like so:

 4. Stick first two layers in the freezer to set. Leave cashew cream frosting and cake base out at room temp while you go take a shower and try to scrub the blood beet juice off of your hands.

5. Continue assembling in the same order

6. Stop just short of using up all of the cashew cream for the final layer. Why? To quote myself, no one likes a naked cake. Locate some beet juice… I assure you it will be all over you and your kitchen, and whip up some red dye no. 5-free pink frosting.

7. Gussy that sh*t up.

8. Invite your gorgeous friend over for a ridiculous (Heart) Beet Layer Cake photoshoot for Lookbook Cookbook. Proceed to act a fool.

9. Now eat. A girl needs sustenance after all dat gushy stuff.

So much V-Day love to all of you. This cake has your pink bases covered, but check back in before Valentine’s to get your chocolate fix, and know that I ain’t messin’ around. You don’t know decadence until you’ve tasted my next dessert. In the meantime, how do you feel about Valentine’s Day? Need to borrow a coffin backpack?

XOXO,
Rose